Nonsensical Ramblings

There’s a point where exhaustion takes over the body and has the strangest effects on an individual. For example, walking out of the house and going to work wearing your shower shoes is induced by sleep deprivation. Trying to work on an important video project for a final project in a class should be a pretty straight forward task. However, the lack of an appropriate amount of shut eye time may result in uncontrollable laughter at the most inopportune times.

This has been a unique finals week. It’s not over.

This week started with two shelter-in-place lock downs due to possible armed suspects on campus. The first one occurred in the middle of the night and I was pretty much unaffected by it other than being awoken by numerous phone notifications. The next morning I walked out of my building on my way to work and was stopped by the local news station and asked to do an interview. I agreed and talked with the reporter for a few moments about the events from the night before. As I walked away from the news reporter, the thought dawned on me that I had just smiled through an entire interview about a lockdown, possible gun man, and terrorist attacks. What is wrong with me?

Having a camera pointed at my face was not the problem. My inability to react appropriately to difficult and nerve wracking situations is the problem. For some reason, the more uncomfortable the topic, the bigger the smile. Lord help me.

This week of work was the busiest week I have had since starting my internship. I officially have a full case load and the advocate in me is in full swing. I have cases that I am incredibly passionate about that are reminding me of why on earth I chose the field of Social Work and I am loving every second of it.

Then, shelter-in-place lock down number two occurred. Several of us gathered in one room, enjoyed some tim tam slams, and shared much needed laughter during a stressful and terrifying time of unpredictable events.

Finally, as things seemed to be getting back to normal, I awoke an hour earlier than usual to make it to an early meeting only to discover the water was out in my building. While still dark outside, I walked over to the campus police department to brush my teeth and wash my face. Not exactly the kind of start to the day that I was hoping for, but at least I was able to get to water quickly.

Since this week was far from normal, I shouldn’t have been surprised when classmates showed up to class a-little-more-than-buzzed to give presentations. Those were some of the most, err, interesting presentations I have ever sat through.

It is finally Friday, or I guess Saturday, and while exhausted doesn’t even graze the surface of how beyond tired I am, I am somehow still awake and writing a blog rather than sleeping. Sometimes you just need to write. God has been working on my heart as of late and whenever He does just that, I want to write.

This world is so full of hate. Our lives are so fragile.
This week of insanity has pushed me to finally recognize things in my life that I was refusing to address. Ironically, the busy and hectic nature of this week forced me to take a breath and slow down.

My first semester of grad school comes to an end in just three more days. I leave my new found home for two weeks in just eight days. What has this semester meant for me?

I have learned so much. Not only about therapy methods and DSM diagnoses, but about myself. In five months I will graduate. In five months I have to decide what I want “to be when I grow up.” I am getting closer everyday to figuring out what that is, but hey, I still have the rest of my life. God is working on me (as He always will be) and I am excited (and terrified) of what will come in this next stage of life. He has brought me so far in life and even though I still struggle to let go and trust Him completely, I know He is forever molding the heart of this broken vessel that He calls His daughter.

Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

Psalm 139:12 “Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”

Isaiah 58:11 “The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well- watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”

Proverbs 16:3 “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.”




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