Life has changed drastically over the last year. 2013 was a rough year. It was a year of see-sawing and hardships. There wasn’t a whole lot of happiness involved. I eagerly brought in 2014 with high hopes of a better year. 2014 started out with difficult decisions and a lot of change. It was not an easy year by any means, but it was such a good year.
2014 taught me many things:
1. “I cannot make my own will into God’s will.” I am a stubborn person; if I want something to happen, I will make it happen. I learned that no matter how much I want something, I cannot make it God’s will. God has a plan for me and He has a will for my life. I hate giving up control and following a will that I do not know, but His will is worth giving everything up for. I wanted something so bad that I convinced myself that it was God’s will for my life. It took me two years to realize that it was MY will NOT God’s.
2. “A little spontaneity never hurt anyone.” I like boxes. I like compartmentalizing everything. Everything has a place and a time. I learned that it is okay to throw plans out the window and just enjoy the moment. Some of the best things happen when they are unplanned. This summer a friend and I road tripped through part of Canada. Everything in my nature told me to plan every detail of the trip. In the end, we left four days unplanned. We didn’t have hotel rooms booked, we didn’t have attractions to see, we didn’t even have a destination. Some amazing memories were brought out of those four unplanned days. We met a friendly and interesting tour guide who worked over time to spend more time giving us a tour of a boat, we raced a motorcyclist on the interstate, we had some goofy teenage boys flash us their number from the backseat of their parents car, and I got to jump off of a cliff. I learned that it is okay to just go with the flow and see what happens.
3. “Just because plans are made, does not mean that those plans will come to fruition.” I am the kind of person who plans way into the future, writes it down, and then waits to see those plans come to life. I learned that just because I write it down, does not mean a darn thing! I had a three year plan. My plans had already been changed several times, but this time they were written down and set in stone. They were even realistic! Then, my plans were jumbled, and well, put through the paper shredder. God had other plans, so my plans had to be tossed aside.
4. “Even though things may not go my way, I can put my big girl panties on and deal with it.” I learned that in the midst of watching my well thought out plans be run through a paper shredder, I can still smile through it and trust that God knows what He is doing.
5. “God knows what He is doing.” While this is not something that I am just now learning, it is something that I think I am taught over and over and over again. Every time I doubt Him and try to do my own thing, I am reminded that He does, in fact, know what He is doing. He’s got me in the palm of His hand and as long as I trust Him, He will take care of me.
I am not one to get all blubbery and emotional about everything. New years eve came and went and I deliberately chose not to make any resolutions. However, I hope to continue to make changes in my life and set goals for myself.
So, even though they aren’t New Years Resolutions, per say, here are some of my goals:
1. Finish the Bible. When I was thirteen I set a goal for myself to finish reading the Bible by the time I turned fifteen. Unfortunately, I did not follow through. Fifteen came and went, then I pushed the goal to age sixteen. By the time sixteen rolled around I had pushed the idea of finishing the Bible into the way back compartment of my mind. Here I am now, almost twenty, and just now making this goal a reality. I keep track of what I have read on the YouVersion app; therefore, it tells me how far I have to go in terms of percentages. I only have 7% of the Bible to go! While I am excited to finish the Bible and be able to say that I have read it all of the way through, I find myself getting excited about starting all over again. No matter how many times I read a book of the Bible, I always learn something new. (However, it will be a long time before I re-read Ezekiel. Definitely by far the most difficult book for me to get through).
2. Graduate from college. I cannot believe that this is a goal within reach. In four months plus four days I will officially have a Bachelors degree in Social Work! Where has time gone? I feel like I just graduated high school and now I am almost done with college. I am so excited to be done with the University and move on to the next step.
3. Start grad school. When I graduated high school I barely wanted to get my bachelors degree, now I am planning on getting my masters. God was a big part of that one. Of course there is still time and I may change my mind, but as of right now I will be spending one year in grad school.
4. Move. I live at home. I was able to live at home and commute all throughout my undergraduate program. Now, it is bittersweet to think that in about six months, I will be packing up my belongings and moving a few hours away. I don’t know how long God will keep me where I am going, but I know it will be at least a year since that is how long the graduate program is. This is where my need to plan everything comes into play. I am moving in six months and I want to know where and have an exact date. That is not how life works. I have a general idea of a fifty mile radius of where I will be moving, but I do not have a specific address or date and that bothers me! God is continuously teaching me to trust Him. He’s got this!
5. Continue to learn how to give myself completely over to God. This is something that I will be working on until the day I die. I know that when I give my life to God to do with as He wants, He will never cease to amaze me. I cannot imagine the things He has planned for me and I look forward to finding out what they are.
6. Write more. I love to write. I am not great at it and I tend to have a lot of grammatical, spelling, and punctuation errors, but it is something that I love to do. It has always been a passion of mine, but it has also been the first thing to be pushed aside when life gets busy. Hopefully having this blog will help me write at least semi-regularly. I am also very private about what I write. I don’t share my writings with many people. This blog is anonymous and I don’t see that changing quite yet, but hopefully in the near future I will be comfortable enough to share what I write with everyone (including people I know).
7. Read more. I love to read almost as much as I love to write. School often times gets in the way of pleasure reading, but I started to change that last semester and hope to keep up with it. (Book suggestions are welcome!)
8. Travel. Traveling has always been something that I found to be enjoyable, but this summer sparked a new level of interest. After road tripping through Canada, visiting several different states, and going to camp, I have discovered that I want to travel all over. Specifically, I want to take road trips! I don’t know if any road trips will happen this year, but maybe after I graduate from grad school.
9. Become a licensed Social Worker. How crazy is that? Technically, once I get my BSW I can take the test to become licensed. However, since I am going straight into grad school, I am going to hold off until I have my MSW to take the test.
10. This goal has been a goal of mine since I could talk and it will remain as such until it is fulfilled. Get married and become a mother. That is my life long dream and I hope and pray that it is in God’s plan for my life. I have felt called to be a mother for a long time. God laid a love of children on my heart at a very young age. Children have been my passion as long as I can remember. I long to help children in any way that I can, and to one day have children of my own. I have felt God’s call for me to be a mother to many. I don’t know exactly what that means. It could mean that I am going to give birth to a lot of kids. However, after much time has been spent praying about it, I feel like God is calling me to be a mother to those who need a mother. I also feel like He has called me to have my own children, but I have felt a strong pull towards foster care, adoption, and ministry where I can be a “mother” figure to those around me. I look forward to seeing what God uses me for.
All in all, life is constantly changing, but man is it good!